Nineteen Nuns On The Number
15 Bus:
The Southend Zombie Apocalypse
Simon G. Gosden
Createspace paperback
$5.85 / £3.86
**** (4 stars) review by Steve Lee
Without wanting to sound
over praiseworthy of this work I must admit it was right up my street. A rather
quirky English saying I know but that’s like the book, both rather quirky and
very English. Simon Gosden’s first novella, although he is part of the genre book
trade in modern Britain
so he knows a thing or two about writing. Rule one write about what you know,
so that box is ticked. Set in Southend, and around the Thames
region of old Blighty, the story whisks you off with an engagingly fast pace of
zombie activity as if in one’s home town. The characters are interesting
grounded people we could meet any day of the week, thrown together to survive
Southend’s zombie shenanigans.
Shenanigans another great
British bit of terminology and just the sort of language found among the very
few (60) pages, but that suited me perfectly so I read it in one shift at work
on standby overtime. These days I do not read enough anyway and shy away from
the usual fare of a 600 page doorstop, so this short piece of English lit from
Sarffend made my day. How many Fs in Southend? As many as Mr Gosden wants, and
it works. Proper people storytelling in a fantasy apocalypse begs a question.
Are you ready for it? Not prepped, living in a bunker sleeping with an AK
between your food provisions and an armoury, are you mentally ready for it?
Prepared to survive able to care and kill at a moment’s notice. Jeff Cooper’s
tag coded up, green light red light stuff, mind set focus grit.
The main character, whose
adventure we follow, goes by the name of Tim, who meets the stunningly
attractive Tania from Croatia
as you do on zombie apocalypse day, so it’s his perspective and insightful
thought processes we share. Yes, they make mistakes just like in The Walking
Dead TV show I’m also watching as a DVD box-set, but it’s no surprise while the
undead try to bite you at every turn and then an arsehole turns up named Jason.
He only wants to shit over everything like in Team America.
Gosden writes as I wish I
could, or would if I did, and I hope that makes sense. He sticks to zombie lore,
so it’s head-shots or stabs all the way and we’re treated to a lot of fast pace
action with just enough gore and sprinkle of comedy, some in-jokes, and likeable
product placement worthy of transfer to film. Then again I always say that, but
it’s true, and I have seen worse. Suppliers would queue up to advertise their
brand so come on Triumph, Glock, and Ford, find some money and let’s get this
made before the real world ending event rocks up to pull the plug on our greedy
fucked up dystopian existence.
19 Nuns...
what a title! The dialogue is laced with my genre favourites with references to
The Matrix, Spider-Man, Monty Python,
Star Wars, Elm Street, and even Duran
Duran - though I don’t really like them, honest. This plays out as a cultural
joke at the expense of our European heroine because she just does not get it,
any of it, but it’s funny. Clarksonesque science comes in a Top Gear style, but I can live with
that. In my zombie fantasy they are caused by overusing mobile phones, which is
the main reason I might survive, not forgetting my well stocked bunker arsenal
and colour coded lifestyle. Hero Tim drinks what I do - Rioja red wine and
lager beer, eats what I eat, rides a big motorbike, and has great taste in
guns. His van does have a tail-lift, as does mine at work. The gap in my
knowledge means I know next to nothing about his boat content, although I’ve
been on a really big boat.
Although I do prefer the
Glock 21 in .45ACP to the minor calibre model 17. Come on, Simon, if you want
to make a hole make it a big one. Get armed, stay armed, find the girl, and
never leave her alone. Mossberg beats Remington in the shotgun arms race as
it’s easier to load. I liked the landmarks too, such as Traitors Gate at the Tower of London, name dropping the royal prince
and the Prime Minister whom the hero recognises but still has to ask who he is.
“I’m the PM” he says. My favourite author is Dean R. Koontz, and Simon G.
Gosden is a minnow in comparison, but we all know that. Mr Koontz’s heroes
always find the love of their life just after winning the lottery, but before
they have to face evil, and Gosden’s tale is not unlike that. It reminds me of Road To Fero City by Morat, another
recommended read. Tim likes bikes, girls, and guns, but not necessarily in that
order, and that’s fine by me.
